Journey's End

I wake up at seven, fittingly the morning is cold and harsh outside my futon. I can see my breath as the light filters in through the curtain held in place by thumbtacks. God, how I wish I could simply roll over and slip back into sleep (slip back though time). I go through the daily morning ritual of face washing, teeth brushing, dressing, and waking up Danny in a haze. My host mother has fixed the usual breakfast and asks me sweetly if I’ve packed everything. I invite her and my host father to come to the bus station to see me off with all my friends. She declines, telling me she doesn’t want to cry. She tells Danny that one of his friends should move into my room so he won’t be lonely, and we laugh. I thank them for everything and wonder if the meaning in my words gets through. Up the metal steps for the last time to finish my last minute packing, and suddenly Lucie is at my door and my three bags are in the kitchen. We all wear nervous smiles as we take the blue line streetcar down to Nagasaki Station. The city seems to rush back like a closing tunnel door through the back window of the streetcar, and my throat starts to get tight for the first time. All my friends are waiting for us in front of the huge department store across the street from the bus station. We hug and take Christmas pictures in front of the five story Christmas tree that awkwardly dominates the shopping center’s main plaza. Lunch is all to fast, and brings the inevitable even closer. IO’s roommate Yuika has to rush off to flight attendant school before lunch is over. We hug, and my throat gets a little tighter as I watch her rush off.
There is no time left. The bus will be pulling up in about fifteen minutes, and all sixteen or so of us are waiting at the station. Hands are crossed, and for once no one is laughing. IO and Lucie are the first to start crying. I wanna scoop them up, tell them everything’s going to be ok, but I stopped believing that when I woke up this morning. The world I spent three months building is crashing down around me now. My throat tightens and my eyes water, but I fight it. I’ll see them again. I have to. Danney, Xander, Jon-O, Lucie, IO, Lu Lu, Monji, Asaka, K, Anna, Chris, Laurent, and all the others, there are too many to cry in front of. But one look at Danney seals my fate, and I can’t stop it any more.
Suddenly everyone else is already on the bus, and I can’t let go. I break away and show the devil bus driver my ticket. Charlie is leaving as well, and he and I throw our luggage under the bus. Suddenly I’m hugging IO and K again. I just won’t let go, but the driver hisses, “Hurry up”. My last words are a very broken and tearful, “Great big love guys! Great big love for all of you.” God, this sucks! Back to a window seat and the final deathly silent two hour ride begins as I bite my lower lip and wave goodbye to the people who have been my family for the past three months for the last time. The night, and next morning are a blur. Suddenly I’m in Tokyo. Now I’m in a darkened airplane cabin. I take out my I-pod to drown out the sound of my knees grinding against the seat in front of me. There in seat 25 D, I listen to a mix I made for my friends back in Nagasaki. Joseph Arthur comes on and I’m fine until he says, “Cause when you showed me myself, I became someone else.” And my throat tightens as my eyes snap shut.

In the end I got home safely. Riding home with my parents I’m happy to be home, but my thoughts are still in Nagasaki. I left then in that funeral home bus station, and in the eyes of all my friends. I’m sure in time the hollow sensation of goodbye will leave, but those beautiful beautiful faces will stay with me forever. After all, we’ll meet again. Don’t know where, and I don’t know when, but I know we’ll meet again – some sunny day.




To those in Japan (Thank you so much, words still can’t really describe how much our time meant. I hope we all can cross paths again be it in Japan, or any part of the world. The bonds of the heart are not so easily severed by the trails of time and distance. So long as we remember the joys of our shared adventure our ties will never break. What a long strange trip it has been. I miss you guys.)